Beyond "Bad Words"

At some point in your life, you’ve probably heard Ephesians 4:29 quoted as “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.” Unfortunately, this is only half the verse, and it’s typically used out of context in response to people who use “bad words.” The problem with this interpretation and use of this part of scripture is that it leaves out the second half (and arguably the more important part) of the verse. In the NIV bible (which you can always get for free by attending a service at Buckeye), the full verse reads:

This verse is so much more than just an instruction to use kid-friendly words. Instead, it targets the heart of what you are saying. Your words can be heartbreaking, soul-crushing, and devastatingly cruel without using a single word that you wouldn’t let a 6-year-old use. As a first-grade teacher, I have seen this happen time and time again from my kids, who say what they think without thinking about the consequences. When I see this happen, I have a choice: just let it slide because they didn’t use “bad words,” or teach them the power of every word that comes out of their mouth. Anyone faced with that choice will probably do the same thing: teach them how to be kind.

Unfortunately, as an adult, the focus seems to shift from “being kind” to “avoiding cuss words.” While that may seem like a fair interpretation, it takes so much away from the heart of God’s word. I have seen the kindest people build people up, all while cussing like a sailor. I have also seen the most brokenhearted people devastate those around them with the “cleanest” words around. I’m not God, and I can’t speak for Him, but I have a strong feeling He would much prefer the “bad words” with a kind heart to someone using “good words” to hurt His creation that He loves so much.

“Unwholesome talk” in the context of this verse has very little to do with which words you use, but rather has everything to do with the heart and intention behind your words. Looking at the second half of the verse, it tells us that our speech should be “helpful for building others up according to their needs.” This means that we should be speaking truth into others kindly. It means that when we see someone struggling, when we see someone believing something that is harmful to themselves and others, or when we see someone just doing something we find annoying, we need to tell them the truth of what God has to say. And when we do, we are to still speak gently. We are to still speak kindly. We are to still show every fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22–23.

When I find myself in the situation mentioned above, where a kid says or does something hurtful to another child, this is the verse I fall back on most often, and I teach them how to use the “why not?” method. If they want to do or say something, they should stop and ask themselves, “Is it showing love? Is it spreading joy? Is it creating peace? Is it showing patience? Is it kind? Is it doing what is good, so that you would be proud to tell God about it? Is it being faithful to God by loving His creation as much as He does? Is it gentle? Are you showing self-control by doing/saying it?” If the answer is “no” to even a single one of those questions, then you don’t do it or say it, because that is not wholesome talk that is helpful for building others up according to their needs, in a way that will benefit them when they hear it.

As we go through life, we make so many decisions: decisions on what to say, who to say it to, when to say it, how to act, how to dress, how to communicate nonverbally, how to show what we like and dislike. God is calling us in this verse to not use unwholesome talk, but it is so important that we remember that “wholesome talk” doesn’t mean just using clean language, but also language that builds others up, language that brings them (and you!) closer to God, and language that shows them you recognize them as the wonderful image of God they were created to be. By doing that, you are building God’s kingdom, just as He has called you to do.