Close to the Broken

Any loss that is not expected can elicit a grief response. This is my journey through loss, infidelity, and divorce.

In the spring of 1978, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The surgery to remove the tumor appeared to be successful, but the tumor returned, and she was given six months to live. The night we received the news, I remember spending it sitting on the floor of my family room with my Bible open, crying out to God and telling Him I did not like His plan. Hours later, I arrived at a point where I could honestly pray that I didn't know when or how it was going to be okay, but I was going to accept His grace. My mother was a devout Christian, and watching her journey home was a lesson in faithfulness I had not experienced prior. I am sure my mom leaned heavily on Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil.” The month before she died, my grandfather, who lived out of state, died from a stroke. Just three months after my mom died, her brother was killed in a car accident.

In 1985, my marriage fell apart, and my journey of grief and forgiveness began. I wasn't as angry for myself as I was for my children. Yet, through all the mistakes I have made in my life, to this day I still recognize that God carried me with grace, mercy, and strength. Years later, one of my granddaughters told her mother that if I could forgive her grandpa, then she could forgive people too. You truly do not know who is watching your life and your testimony while also watching God provide again and again during your dark periods. There are blessings in the journey: God has a plan, and He understands our grief.

Fast forward to what became the hardest period of my life. In December 2019, my youngest son died days before Christmas. The following April, my children's father died. Because of COVID, there was no funeral. In June, my dear cousin died, and again COVID interfered in our grief process. In July, a grandson was killed in a hit-and-run motorcycle accident. Then in August 2021, my much-loved son-in-love died from COVID complications alone out of state. Praise and worship music and crying became my almost constant companions. Through it all, God is faithful, God is patient, and…