Serving Behind the Scenes

Serving in the church has always been a bit of a mystery to me. I didn't grow up in the church, and when I became a Christian as a teen, I didn’t really understand what "serving" meant. It was always discussed in terms of being in front of people—singing in the choir, joining the worship team, teaching, or preaching.
As a teen, I didn't mind the choir, but as I grew older, I became more introverted. The mere mention of being in front of people terrified me. Nope. No thank you. I don’t do well when people stare at me. I’m not a teacher. For a long time, I felt like there was no place for me to fit in.
For a while, my husband and I attended a church where you were guilted into serving wherever they had a "hole" to fill. It didn't matter if you had the talent or the interest; if it was "for God," you were expected to do it. During my time there, I was pressured into several areas I was not equipped for:

God had not called me to those areas, but the pressure wore me down. The only thing I willingly did—and loved—was writing the newsletter. I wrote articles and poems and included photos. I loved it because I’ve always wanted to be an author. But the toxicity of that environment eventually became too much.
By the time I left that church, my view of serving was warped. I brought that trauma with me to Buckeye. For years, the phrase "It's for God" triggered a trauma response in me. I would make excuses or do whatever it took to avoid being involved. I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was "lacking" as a Christian because I didn’t want to serve out in the open.
But I was wrong. God used the people around me to slowly show me that I had talents to contribute—just behind the scenes. He showed me He can use me even if I’m not an extrovert.
It started small. Marti asked me to post a monthly Scripture Writing prompt on Facebook. At first, I didn’t even see it as serving; it felt too easy! But I eventually realized it was impacting women’s lives. It was a service to God that drew people closer to Him. That was a huge eye-opener for me.
Finally, I built up the courage to talk to my leadership. I met with John and Julie and was honest about my past trauma and my anxiety. They listened. They assured me that I would never be forced into a role I wasn't called to, and they gave me hope. I walked away from that meeting with two new opportunities: helping with worship team admin tasks and washing the tablecloths. Both are behind the scenes, but both further the Kingdom in their own quiet way.

I am still learning not to let past trauma or anxiety hold me back. I am learning that God has specific places for me to serve, and I want to give my very best to Him. It isn’t always easy, but I know it’s worth it—because nothing done for God is ever useless.